Marianne would have thought herself very inexcusable had she been able to sleep at all the first night after parting from Willoughby.She would have been ashamed to look her family in the face the next morning, had she not risen from her bed in more need of repose than when she lay down in it.But the feelings which made such composure a disgrace, left her in no danger of incurring it.She was awake the whole night, and she wept the greatest part of it.She got up with a headache, was unable to talk, and unwilling to take any nourishment;giving pain every moment to her mother and sisters, and forbidding all attempt at consolation from either.
Her sensibility was potent enough!
When breakfast was over she walked out by herself, and wandered about the village of Allenham, indulging the recollection of past enjoyment and crying over the present reverse for the chief of the morning.
The evening passed off in the equal indulgence of feeling.
She played over every favourite song that she had been used to play to Willoughby, every air in which their voices had been oftenest joined, and sat at the instrument gazing on every line of music that he had written out for her, till her heart was so heavy that no farther sadness could be gained; and this nourishment of grief was every day applied.She spent whole hours at the pianoforte alternately singing and crying; her voice often totally suspended by her tears.In books too, as well as in music, she courted the misery which a contrast between the past and present was certain of giving.She read nothing but what they had been used to read together.
Such violence of affliction indeed could not be supported for ever; it sunk within a few days into a calmer melancholy;but these employments, to which she daily recurred, her solitary walks and silent meditations, still produced occasional effusions of sorrow as lively as ever.
No letter from Willoughby came; and none seemed expected by Marianne.Her mother was surprised, and Elinor again became uneasy.But Mrs.Dashwood could find explanations whenever she wanted them, which at least satisfied herself.
"Remember, Elinor," said she, "how very often Sir John fetches our letters himself from the post, and carries them to it.We have already agreed that secrecy may be necessary, and we must acknowledge that it could not be maintained if their correspondence were to pass through Sir John's hands."Elinor could not deny the truth of this, and she tried to find in it a motive sufficient for their silence.
But there was one method so direct, so simple, and in her opinion so eligible of knowing the real state of the affair, and of instantly removing all mystery, that she could not help suggesting it to her mother.
"Why do you not ask Marianne at once," said she, "whether she is or she is not engaged to Willoughby? From you, her mother, and so kind, so indulgent a mother, the question could not give offence.It would be the natural result of your affection for her.She used to be all unreserve, and to you more especially.""I would not ask such a question for the world.
Supposing it possible that they are not engaged, what distress would not such an enquiry inflict! At any rate it would be most ungenerous.I should never deserve her confidence again, after forcing from her a confession of what is meant at present to be unacknowledged to any one.
I know Marianne's heart: I know that she dearly loves me, and that I shall not be the last to whom the affair is made known, when circumstances make the revealment of it eligible.
I would not attempt to force the confidence of any one;of a child much less; because a sense of duty would prevent the denial which her wishes might direct."Elinor thought this generosity overstrained, considering her sister's youth, and urged the matter farther, but in vain; common sense, common care, common prudence, were all sunk in Mrs.Dashwood's romantic delicacy.
It was several days before Willoughby's name was mentioned before Marianne by any of her family;Sir John and Mrs.Jennings, indeed, were not so nice;their witticisms added pain to many a painful hour;--but one evening, Mrs.Dashwood, accidentally taking up a volume of Shakespeare, exclaimed, "We have never finished Hamlet, Marianne; our dear Willoughby went away before we could get through it.
We will put it by, that when he comes again...But it may be months, perhaps, before THAT happens.""Months!" cried Marianne, with strong surprise.
"No--nor many weeks."
Mrs.Dashwood was sorry for what she had said;but it gave Elinor pleasure, as it produced a reply from Marianne so expressive of confidence in Willoughby and knowledge of his intentions.
One morning, about a week after his leaving the country, Marianne was prevailed on to join her sisters in their usual walk, instead of wandering away by herself.
Hitherto she had carefully avoided every companion in her rambles.If her sisters intended to walk on the downs, she directly stole away towards the lanes; if they talked of the valley, she was as speedy in climbing the hills, and could never be found when the others set off.
But at length she was secured by the exertions of Elinor, who greatly disapproved such continual seclusion.They walked along the road through the valley, and chiefly in silence, for Marianne's MIND could not be controlled, and Elinor, satisfied with gaining one point, would not then attempt more.