A MONG THE PASSENGERS ON BOARD THE STEAMBOAT, there was a faint gentleman sitting on a low camp-stool, with his legs on a high barrel of flour, as if he were looking at the prospect with his ankles; who attracted their attention speedily.
He had straight black hair, parted up the middle of his head and hanging down upon his coat; a little fringe of hair upon his chin; wore no neckcloth; a white hat; a suit of black, long in the sleeves and short in the legs; soiled brown stockings and laced shoes. His complexion, naturally muddy, was rendered muddier by too strict an economy of soap and water; and the same observation will apply to the washable part of his attire, which he might have changed with comfort to himself and gratification to his friends.
He was about five and thirty; was crushed and jammed up in a heap, under the shade of a large green cotton umbrella; and ruminated over his tobacco-plug like a cow.
He was not singular, to be sure, in these respects; for every gentleman on board appeared to have had a difference with his laundress and to have left off washing himself in early youth. Every gentleman, too, was perfectly stopped up with tight plugging, and was dislocated in the greater part of his joints. But about this gentleman there was a peculiar air of sagacity and wisdom, which convinced Martin that he was no common character; and this turned out to be the case.
`How do you do sir?' said a voice in Martin's ear `How do you do sir?' said Martin.
It was a tall thin gentleman who spoke to him, with a carpet-cap on, and a long loose coat of green baize, ornamented about the pockets with black velvet.
`You air from Europe, sir?'
`I am,' said Martin.
`You air fortunate, sir.'
Martin thought so too; but he soon discovered that the gentleman and he attached different meanings to this remark.
`You air fortunate, sir, in having an opportunity of beholding our Elijah Pogram, sir.'
`Your Elijahpogram!' said Martin, thinking it was all one word, and a building of some sort.
`Yes sir.'
Martin tried to look as if he understood him, but he couldn't make it out.
`Yes, sir,' repeated the gentleman. `our Elijah Pogram, sir, is, at this minute, identically settin' by the en-gine biler.'
The gentleman under the umbrella put his right forefinger to his eyebrow, as if he were revolving schemes of state.
`That is Elijah Pogram, is it?' said Martin.
`Yes, sir,' replied the other. `That is Elijah Pogram.'
`Dear me!' said Martin. `I am astonished.' But he had not the least idea who this Elijah Pogram was; having never heard the name in all his life.
`If the biler of this vessel was Toe bust, sir,' said his new acquaintance, `and Toe bust now, this would be a festival day in the calendar of despotism; pretty nigh equallin', sir, in its effects upon the human race, our Fourth of glorious July. Yes, sir, that is the Honourable Elijah Pogram, Member of Congress; one of the master-minds of our country, sir. There is a brow, sir, there!'
`Quite remarkable,' said Martin.
`Yes, sir. Our own immortal Chiggle, sir, is said to have observed, when he made the celebrated Pogram statter in marble, which rose so much con-test and prejwdice in Europe, that the brow was more than mortal. This was before the Pogram Defiance, and was, therefore, a pre-diction, cruel smart.'
`What is the Pogram Defiance?' asked Martin, thinking, perhaps, it was the sign of a public-house.
`An o-ration, sir,' returned his friend.
`Oh! to be sure,' cried Martin. `What am I thinking of! It defied--'
`It defied the world, sir,' said the other, gravely. `Defied the world in general to com-pete with our country upon any hook; and devellop'd our internal resources for making war upon the universal airth. You would like to know Elijah Pogram, sir?'
`If you please,' said Martin.
`Mr. Pogram,' said the stranger--Mr. Pogram having overheard every word of the dialogue--`this is a gentleman from Europe, sir: from England, sir.
But gen'rous ene-mies may meet upon the neutral sile of private life, I think.'
The languid Mr. Pogram shook hands with Martin, like a clock-work figure that was just running down. But he made amends by chewing like one that was just wound up.
`Mr. Pogram,' said the introducer, `is a public servant, sir. When Congress is recessed, he makes himself acquainted with those free United States, of which he is the gifted son.'
It occurred to Martin that if the Honourable Elijah Pogram had stayed at home, and sent his shoes upon a tour, they would have answered the same purpose; for they were the only part of him in a situation to see anything.
In course of time, however, Mr. Pogram rose; and having ejected certain plugging consequences which would have impeded his articulation, took up a position where there was something to lean against, and began to talk to Martin: shading himself with the green umbrella all the time.
As he began with the words, `How do you like--?' Martin took him up and said:
`The country, I presume?'
`Yes, sir,' said Elijah Pogram. A knot of passengers gathered round to hear what followed: and Martin heard his friend say, as he whispered to another friend, and rubbed his hands, `Pogram will smash him into sky-blue fits, I know!'
`Why,' said Martin, after a moment's hesitation, `I have learned by experience, that you take an unfair advantage of a stranger, when you ask that question. You don't mean it to be answered, except in one way. Now, I don't choose to answer it in that way, for I cannot honestly answer it in that way. And therefore, I would rather not answer it at all.'