`I am very sorry to be here, sir,' said Mr Pugstyles; `but your conduct, Mr Gregsbury, has rendered this deputation from your constituents imperatively necessary.'
`My conduct, Pugstyles,' said Mr Gregsbury, looking round upon the deputation with gracious magnanimity--`my conduct has been, and ever will be, regulated by a sincere regard for the true and real interests of this great and happy country. Whether I look at home, or abroad; whether I behold the peaceful industrious communities of our island home: her rivers covered with steamboats, her roads with locomotives, her streets with cabs, her skies with balloons of a power and magnitude hitherto unknown in the history of aeronautics in this or any other nation--I say, whether I look merely at home, or, stretching my eyes farther, contemplate the boundless prospect of conquest and possession--achieved by British perseverance and British valour--which is outspread before me, I clasp my hands, and turning my eyes to the broad expanse above my head, exclaim, "Thank Heaven, I am a Briton!"'
The time had been, when this burst of enthusiasm would have been cheered to the very echo; but now, the deputation received it with chilling coldness.
The general impression seemed to be, that as an explanation of Mr Gregsbury's political conduct, it did not enter quite enough into detail; and one gentleman in the rear did not scruple to remark aloud, that, for his purpose, it savoured rather too much of a `gammon' tendency.
`The meaning of that term--gammon,' said Mr Gregsbury, `is unknown to me. If it means that I grow a little too fervid, or perhaps even hyperbolical, in extolling my native land, I admit the full justice of the remark. I am proud of this free and happy country. My form dilates, my eye glistens, my breast heaves, my heart swells, my bosom burns, when I call to mind her greatness and her glory.'
`We wish, sir,' remarked Mr Pugstyles, calmly, `to ask you a few questions.'
`If you please, gentlemen; my time is yours--and my country's--and my country's,' said Mr Gregsbury.
This permission being conceded, Mr Pugstyles put on his spectacles, and referred to a written paper which he drew from his pocket; whereupon nearly every other member of the deputation pulled a written paper from his pocket, to check Mr Pugstyles off, as he read the questions.
This done, Mr Pugstyles proceeded to business.
`Question number one.--Whether, sir, you did not give a voluntary pledge previous to your election, that in event of your being returned, you would immediately put down the practice of coughing and groaning in the House of Commons. And whether you did not submit to be coughed and groaned down in the very first debate of the session, and have since made no effort to effect a reform in this respect? Whether you did not also pledge yourself to astonish the government, and make them shrink in their shoes? And whether you have astonished them, and made them shrink in their shoes, or not?'
`Go on to the next one, my dear Pugstyles,' said Mr Gregsbury.
`Have you any explanation to offer with reference to that question, sir?' asked Mr Pugstyles.
`Certainly not,' said Mr Gregsbury.
The members of the deputation looked fiercely at each other, and afterwards at the member. `Dear Pugstyles' having taken a very long stare at Mr Gregsbury over the tops of his spectacles, resumed his list of inquiries.
`Question number two.--Whether, sir, you did not likewise give a voluntary pledge that you would support your colleague on every occasion; and whether you did not, the night before last, desert him and vote upon the other side, because the wife of a leader on that other side had invited Mrs Gregsbury to an evening party?'
`Go on,' said Mr Gregsbury.
`Nothing to say on that, either, sir?' asked the spokesman.
`Nothing whatever,' replied Mr Gregsbury. The deputation, who had only seen him at canvassing or election time, were struck dumb by his coolness.
He didn't appear like the same man; then he was all milk and honey; now he was all starch and vinegar. But men are so different at different times!
`Question number three--and last,' said Mr Pugstyles, emphatically.
`Whether, sir, you did not state upon the hustings, that it was your firm and determined intention to oppose everything proposed; to divide the house upon every question, to move for returns on every subject, to place a motion on the books every day, and, in short, in your own memorable words, to play the very devil with everything and everybody?' With this comprehensive inquiry, Mr Pugstyles folded up his list of questions, as did all his backers.
Mr Gregsbury reflected, blew his nose, threw himself further back in his chair, came forward again, leaning his elbows on the table, made a triangle with his two thumbs and his two forefingers, and tapping his nose with the apex thereof, replied (smiling as he said it), `I deny everything.'
At this unexpected answer, a hoarse murmur arose from the deputation;and the same gentleman who had expressed an opinion relative to the gammoning nature of the introductory speech, again made a monosyllabic demonstration, by growling out `Resign!' Which growl being taken up by his fellows, swelled into a very earnest and general remonstrance.
`I am requested, sir, to express a hope,' said Mr Pugstyles, with a distant bow, `that on receiving a requisition to that effect from a great majority of your constituents, you will not object at once to resign your seat in favour of some candidate whom they think they can better trust.'
To this, Mr Gregsbury read the following reply, which, anticipating the request, he had composed in the form of a letter, whereof copies had been made to send round to the newspapers.