When he came up however I naturally left Miss Tita to go off with him alone, only asking her leave to come back later for news.
I went out of the house and took a long walk, as far as the Piazza, where my restlessness declined to quit me.I was unable to sit down (it was very late now but there were people still at the little tables in front of the cafes); I could only walk round and round, and I did so half a dozen times.I was uncomfortable, but it gave me a certain pleasure to have told Miss Tita who I really was.
At last I took my way home again, slowly getting all but inextricably lost, as I did whenever I went out in Venice:
so that it was considerably past midnight when I reached my door.
The sala, upstairs, was as dark as usual and my lamp as I crossed it found nothing satisfactory to show me.I was disappointed, for I had notified Miss Tita that I would come back for a report, and I thought she might have left a light there as a sign.
The door of the ladies' apartment was closed; which seemed an intimation that my faltering friend had gone to bed, tired of waiting for me.
I stood in the middle of the place, considering, hoping she would hear me and perhaps peep out, saying to myself too that she would never go to bed with her aunt in a state so critical; she would sit up and watch--she would be in a chair, in her dressing gown.
I went nearer the door; I stopped there and listened.
I heard nothing at all and at last I tapped gently.
No answer came and after another minute I turned the handle.
There was no light in the room; this ought to have prevented me from going in, but it had no such effect.If I have candidly narrated the importunities, the indelicacies, of which my desire to possess myself of Jeffrey Aspern's papers had rendered me capable I need not shrink from confessing this last indiscretion.I think it was the worst thing I did; yet there were extenuating circumstances.
I was deeply though doubtless not disinterestedly anxious for more news of the old lady, and Miss Tita had accepted from me, as it were, a rendezvous which it might have been a point of honor with me to keep.
It may be said that her leaving the place dark was a positive sign that she released me, and to this I can only reply that I desired not to be released.
The door of Miss Bordereau's room was open and I could see beyond it the faintness of a taper.There was no sound--my footstep caused no one to stir.
I came further into the room; I lingered there with my lamp in my hand.
I wanted to give Miss Tita a chance to come to me if she were with her aunt, as she must be.I made no noise to call her; I only waited to see if she would not notice my light.She did not, and I explained this (I found afterward I was right) by the idea that she had fallen asleep.
If she had fallen asleep her aunt was not on her mind, and my explanation ought to have led me to go out as I had come.I must repeat again that it did not, for I found myself at the same moment thinking of something else.
I had no definite purpose, no bad intention, but I felt myself held to the spot by an acute, though absurd, sense of opportunity.