Mr.Snodgrass acknowledged the compliment.
"I always like to hear a good argument," continued the bagman, "a sharp one, like this; it's very improving; but this little argument about women brought to my mind a story I have heard an old uncle of mine tell, the recollection of which, just now, made me say there were rummer things than women to be met with, sometimes.""I should like to hear that same story," said the red-faced man with the cigar.
"Should you?" was the only reply of the bagman, who continued to smoke with great vehemence.
"So should I," said Mr.Tupman, speaking for the first time.He was always anxious to increase his stock of experience.
"Should you? Well then, I'll tell it.No I won't.I know you won't believe it," said the man with the roguish eye, making that organ look more roguish than ever.
"If you say it's true, of course I shall," said Mr.Tupman.
"Well, upon that understanding I'll tell you," replied the traveller.
"Did you ever hear of the great commercial house of Bilson and Slum? But it doesn't matter though, whether you did or not, because they retired from business long since.It's eighty years ago, since the circumstance happened to a traveller for that house, but he was a particular friend of my uncle's; and my uncle told the story to me.It's a queer name; but he used to call it THE BAGMAN'S STORY, and he used to tell it, something in this way.
"One winter's evening, about five o'clock, just as it began to grow dusk, a man in a gig might have been seen urging his tired horse along the road which leads across Marlborough Downs, in the direction of Bristol.
I say he might have been seen, and I have no doubt he would have been, if anybody but a blind man had happened to pass that way; but the weather was so bad, and the night so cold and wet, that nothing was out but the water, and so the traveller jogged along in the middle of the road, lonesome and dreary enough.If any bagman of that day could have caught sight of the little neck-or-nothing sort of gig, with a clay-coloured body and red wheels, and the vixenish ill-tempered, fast-going bay mare, that looked like a cross between a butcher's horse and a two-penny post-office pony, he would have known at once, that this traveller could have been no other than Tom Smart, of the great house of Bilson and Slum, Cateaton Street, City.However, as there was no bagman to look on, nobody knew anything at all about the matter; and so Tom Smart and his clay-coloured gig with the red wheels, and the vixenish mare with the fast pace, went on together, keeping the secret among them: and nobody was a bit the wiser.
"There are many pleasanter places even in this dreary world, than Marlborough Downs when it blows hard; and if you throw in beside, a gloomy winter's evening, a miry and sloppy road, and a pelting fall of heavy rain, and try the effect, by way of experiment, in your own proper person, you will experience the full force of this observation.
"The wind blew--not up the road or down it, though that's bad enough, but sheer across it, sending the rain slanting down like the lines they used to rule in the copy-books at school, to make the boys slope well.
For a moment it would die away, and the traveller would begin to delude himself into the belief that, exhausted with its previous fury, it had quietly lain itself down to rest, when, whoo! he would hear it growling and whistling in the distance, and on it would come rushing over the hill-tops, and sweeping along the plain, gathering sound and strength as it drew nearer, until it dashed with a heavy gust against horse and man, driving the sharp rain into their ears, and its cold damp breath into their very bones; and past them it would scour, far, far away, with a stunning roar, as if in ridicule of their weakness, and t iumphant in the consciousness of its own strength and power.
"The bay mare splashed away, through the mud and water with drooping ears; now and then tossing her head as if to express her disgust at this very ungentlemanly behaviour of the elements, but keeping a good pace notwithstanding, until a gust of wind, more furious than any that had yet assailed them, caused her to stop suddenly and plant her four feet firmly against the ground, to prevent her being blown over.It's a special mercy that she did this, for if she had been blown over, the vixenish mare was so light, and the gig was so light, and Tom Smart such a light weight into the bargain, that they must infallibly have all gone rolling over and over together, until they reached the confines of earth, or until the wind fell;and in either case the probability is, that neither the vixenish mare, nor the clay-coloured gig with the red wheels, nor Tom Smart, would ever have been fit for service again.
" `Well, damn my straps and whiskers,' says Tom Smart (Tom sometimes had an unpleasant knack of swearing), `Damn my straps and whiskers,' says Tom, `if this ain't pleasant, blow me!'
"You'll very likely ask me why, as Tom Smart had been pretty well blown already, he expressed this wish to be submitted to the same process again.
I can't say--all I know is, that Tom Smart said so--or at least he always told my uncle he said so, and it's just the same thing.
" `Blow me', says Tom Smart; and the mare neighed as if she were precisely of the same opinion.
" `Cheer up, old girl,' said Tom, patting the bay mare on the neck with the end of his whip.`It won't do pushing on, such a night as this; the first house we come to we'll put up, at, so the faster you go the sooner it's over.Soho, old girl--gently--gently.'