DESCRIPTIVE OF AN AFFECTING INTERVIEW BETWEEN MR.
SAMUEL WELLER AND A FAMILY PARTY.MR.PICKWICK MAKES A TOUR OF THE DIMINUTIVEWORLD HE INHABITS, AND RESOLVES TO MIX WITH IT, IN FUTURE, AS LITTLE ASPOSSIBLE
A FEW mornings after his incarceration, Mr.Samuel Weller, having arranged his master's room with all possible care, and seen him comfortably seated over his books and papers, withdrew to employ himself for an hour or two to come, as he best could.It was a fine morning, and it occurred to Sam that a pint of porter in the open air would lighten his next quarter of an hour or so, as well as any little amusement in which he could indulge.
Having arrived at this conclusion, he betook himself to the tap.Having purchased the beer, and obtained, moreover, the day-but-one-before-yesterday's paper, he repaired to the skittle-ground, and seating himself on a bench, proceeded to enjoy himself in a very sedate and methodical manner.
First of all, he took a refreshing draught of the beer, and then he looked up at a window, and bestowed a Platonic wink on a young lady who was peeling potatoes thereat.Then he opened the paper, and folded it so as to get the police reports outwards; and this being a vexatious and difficult thing to do, when there is any wind stirring, he took another draught of the beer when he had accomplished it.Then, he read two lines of the paper, and stopped short, to look at a couple of men who were finishing a game at rackets, which being concluded, he cried out "wery good" in an approving manner, and looked round upon the spectators, whether their sentiments coincided with his own.This involved the necessity of looking up at the windows also; and as the young lady was still there, it was an act of common politeness to wink again, and to drink to her good health in dumb show, in another draught of the beer, which Sam did; and having frowned hideously upon a small boy who had noted this latter proceeding with open eyes, he threw one leg over the other, and, holding the newspaper in both hands, began to read in real earnest.
He had hardly composed himself into the needful state of abstraction, when he thought he heard his own name proclaimed in some distant passage.
Nor was he mistaken, for it quickly passed from mouth to mouth, and in a few seconds the air teemed with shouts of "Weller!""Here!" roared Sam, in a stentorian voice."Wot's the matter? Who wants him? Has an express come to say that his country-house is a-fire?""Somebody wants you in the hall," said a man who was standing by.
"Just mind that 'ere paper and the pot, old feller, will you?" said Sam."I'm a comin'.Blessed, if they was a callin' me to the bar, they couldn't make more noise about it!"Accompanying these words with a gentle rap on the head of the young gentleman before noticed, who, unconscious of his close vicinity to the person in request, was screaming "Weller!" with all his might, Sam hastened across the ground, and ran up the steps into the hall.Here, the first object that met his eyes was his beloved father sitting on a bottom stair, with his hat in his hand, shouting out "Weller!" in his very loudest tone, at half-minute intervals.
"Wot are you roarin' at?" said Sam impetuously, when the old gentleman had discharged himself of another shout; "makin' yourself so precious hot that you looks like a aggrawated glass-blower.Wot's the matter?""Aha!" replied the old gentleman, "I began to be afeerd that you'd gone for a walk round the Regency Park, Sammy.""Come," said Sam, "none o' them taunts agin the wictim o' avarice, and come off that 'ere step.Wot are you a settin' down there for? I don't live there.""I've got such a game for you, Sammy," said the elder Mr.Weller, rising.
"Stop a minit," said Sam, "you're all vite behind.""That's right, Sammy, rub it off," said Mr.Weller, as his son dusted him."It might look personal here, if a man walked about with whitevash on his clothes, eh, Sammy?"As Mr.Weller exhibited in this place unequivocal symptoms of an approaching fit of chuckling, Sam interposed to stop it.
"Keep quiet, do," said Sam, "there never vos such a old picter-card born.Wot are you bustin' vith, now?""Sammy," said Mr.Weller, wiping his forehead, "I'm afeerd that vun o' these days I shall laugh myself into a appleplexy, my boy.""Vell, then, wot do you do it for?" said Sam."Now; wot have you got to say?""Who do you think's come here with me, Samivel?" said Mr.Weller, drawing back a pace or two, pursing up his mouth, and extending his eyebrows.
"Pell?" said Sam.
Mr.Weller shook his head, and his red cheek expanded with the laughter that was endeavouring to find a vent.
"Mottled-faced man, p'r'aps?" suggested Sam.
Again Mr.Weller shook his head.
"Who then?" asked Sam.
"Your mother-in-law," said Mr.Weller; and it was lucky he did say it, or his cheeks must inevitably have cracked, from their most unnatural distension.
"Your mother-in-law, Sammy," said Mr.Weller, "and the red-nosed man, my boy; and the red-nosed man.Ho! ho! ho!"With this, Mr.Weller launched into convulsions of laughter, while Sam regarded him with a broad grin gradually overspreading his whole countenance.
"They've come to have a little serious talk with you, Samivel," said Mr.Weller, wiping his eyes."Don't let out nothin' about the unnat'ral creditor, Sammy.""Wot, don't they know who it is?" inquired Sam.
"Not a bit on it," replied his father.
"Vere are they?" said Sam, reciprocating all the old gentleman's grins.
"In the snuggery," rejoined Mr.Weller."Catch the red-nosed man a goin'