"Have you seen his lordship's mail cart, Bantam?" inquired the Honourable Mr.Crushton, after a short pause, during which young Lord Mutanhed had been endeavouring to stare Mr.Pickwick out of countenance, and Mr.Crushton had been reflecting what subject his lordship could talk about best.
"Dear me, no," replied the M.C."A mail cart! What an excellent idea.
Re--markable!"
"Gwacious heavens!" said his lordship, "I thought evewebody had seen the new mail cart; it's the neatest, pwettiest, gwacefullest thing that ever wan upon wheels.Painted wed, with a cweam piebald.""With a real box for the letters, and all complete," said the Honourable Mr.Crushton.
"And a little seat in fwont, with an iwon wail, for the dwiver," added his lordship."I dwove it over to Bwistol the other morning, in a cwimson coat, with two servants widing a quarter of a mile behind; and confound me if the people didn't wush out of their cottages, and awest my pwogwess, to know if I wasn't the post.Glorwious, glorwious!"At this anecdote his lordship laughed very heartily, as did the listeners, of course.Then, drawing his arm through that of the obsequious Mr.Crushton, Lord Mutanhed walked away.
"Delightful young man, his lordship," said the Master of the Ceremonies.
"So I should think," rejoined Mr.Pickwick, drily.
The dancing having commenced, the necessary introductions having been made, and all preliminaries arranged, Angelo Bantam rejoined Mr.Pickwick, and led him into the card-room.
Just at the very moment of their entrance, the Dowager Lady Snuphanuph and two other ladies of an ancient and whist-like appearance, were hovering over an unoccupied card-table; and they no sooner set eyes upon Mr.Pickwick under the convoy of Angelo Bantam, than they exchanged glances with each other, seeing that he was precisely the very person they wanted, to make up the rubber.
"My dear Bantam," said the Dowager Lady Snuphanuph, coaxingly, "find us some nice creature to make up this table; there's a good soul." Mr.
Pickwick happened to be looking another way at the moment, so her ladyship nodded her head towards him, and frowned expressively.
"My friend Mr.Pickwick, my lady, will be most happy, I am sure, re--markably so," said the M.C., taking the hint."Mr.Pickwick, Lady Snuphanuph--Mrs.
Colonel Wugsby--Miss Bolo."
Mr.Pickwick bowed to each of the ladies, and, finding escape impossible, cut.Mr.Pickwick and Miss Bolo against Lady Snuphanuph and Mrs.Colonel Wugsby.
As the trump card was turned up, at the commencement of the second deal, two young ladies hurried into the room, and took their stations on either side of Mrs.Colonel Wugsby's chair, where they waited patiently until the hand was over.
"Now, Jane," said Mrs.Colonel Wugsby, turning to one of the girls, "what is it?""I came to ask, ma, whether I might dance with the youngest Mr.Crawley,"whispered the prettier and younger of the two.
"Good God, Jane, how can you think of such things?" replied the mamma;indignantly."Haven't you repeatedly heard that his father has eight hundred a-year, which dies with him? I am ashamed of you.Not on any account.""Ma," whispered the other, who was much older than her sister, and very insipid and artificial, "Lord Mutanhed has been introduced to me.I said I thought I wasn't engaged, ma.""You're a sweet pet, my love," replied Mrs.Colonel Wugsby, tapping her daughter's cheek with her fan, "and are always to be trusted.he's immensely rich, my dear.Bless you!" With these words Mrs.Colonel Wugsby kissed her eldest daughter most affectionately, and frowning in a warning manner upon the other, sorted her cards.
Poor Mr.Pickwick! he had never played with three thorough-paced female card-players before.They were so desperately sharp, that they quite frightened him.If he played a wrong card, Miss Bolo looked a small armoury of daggers;if he stopped to consider which was the right one, Lady Snuphanuph would throw herself back in her chair, and smile with a mingled glance of impatience and pity to Mrs.Colonel Wugsby; at which Mrs.Colonel Wugsby would shrug up her shoulders, and cough, as much as to say she wondered whether he ever would begin.Then, at the end of every hand, Miss Bolo would inquire with a dismal countenance and reproachful sigh, why Mr.Pickwick had not returned that diamond, or led the club, or roughed the spade, or finessed the heart, or led through the honour, or brought out the ace, or played up to the king, or some such thing; and in reply to all these grave charges, Mr.Pickwick would be wholly unable to plead any justification whatever, having by this time forgotten all about the game.People came and looked on, too, which made Mr.Pickwick nervous.Besides all this, there was a great deal of distracting conversation near the table, between Angelo Bantam and the two Miss Matinters, who, being single and singular, paid great court to the Master of the Ceremonies, in the hope of getting a stray partner now and then.All these things, combined with the noises and interruptions of constant comings in and goings out, made Mr.Pickwick play rather badly;the cards were against him, also; and when they left off at ten minutes past eleven, Miss Bolo rose from the table considerably agitated, and went straight home, in a flood of tears, and a sedan-chair.
Being joined by his friends, who one and all protested that they had scarcely ever spent a more pleasant evening, Mr.Pickwick accompanied them to the White Hart, and having soothed his feelings with something hot, went to bed, and to sleep, almost simultaneously.
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