"I've put my name down for an arm, at our place," said Mr.Allen."We're clubbing for a subject, and the list is nearly full, only we can't get hold of any fellow that wants a head.I wish you'd take it.""No," replied Bob Sawyer; "can't afford expensive luxuries.""Nonsense!" said Allen.
"Can't indeed," rejoined Bob Sawyer."I wouldn't mind a brain, but Icouldn't stand a whole head."
"Hush, hush, gentlemen, pray," said Mr.Pickwick, "I hear the ladies."As Mr.Pickwick spoke, the ladies, gallantly escorted by Messrs.Snodgrass, Winkle, and Tupman, returned from an early walk.
"Why, Ben!" said Arabella, in a tone which expressed more surprise than pleasure at the sight of her brother.
"Come to take you home to-morrow," replied Benjamin.
Mr.Winkle turned pale.
"Don't you see Bob Sawyer, Arabella?" inquired Mr.Benjamin Allen, somewhat reproachfully.Arabella gracefully held out her hand, in acknowledgment of Bob Sawyer's presence.A thrill of hatred struck to Mr.Winkle's heart, as Bob Sawyer inflicted on the proffered hand a perceptible squeeze.
"Ben, dear!" said Arabella, blushing; "have--have--you been introduced to Mr.Winkle?""I have not been, but I shall be very happy to be, Arabella," replied her brother gravely.Here Mr.Allen bowed grimly to Mr.Winkle, while Mr.
Winkle and Mr.Bob Sawyer glanced mutual distrust out of the corners of their eyes.
The arrival of the two new visitors, and the consequent check upon Mr.
Winkle and the young lady with the fur round her boots, would in all probability have proved a very unpleasant interruption to the hilarity of the party, had not the cheerfulness of Mr.Pickwick, and the good humour of the host, been exerted to the very utmost for the common weal.Mr.Winkle gradually insinuated himself into the good graces of Mr.Benjamin Allen, and even joined in a friendly conversation with Mr.Bob Sawyer; who, enlivened with the brandy, and the breakfast, and the talking, gradually ripened into a state of extreme facetiousness, and related with much glee an agreeable anecdote, about the removal of a tumour on some gentleman's head: which he illustrated by means of an oyster-knife and a half-quartern loaf, to the great edification of the assembled company.Then, the whole train went to church, where Mr.Benjamin Allen fell fast asleep: while Mr.Bob Sawyer abstracted his thoughts from worldly matters, by the ingenious process of carving his name on the seat of the pew, in corpulent letters of four inches long.
"Now," said Wardle, after a substantial lunch, with the agreeable items of strong beer and cherry-brandy, had been done ample justice to; "what say you to an hour on the ice? We shall have plenty of time.""Capital!" said Mr.Benjamin Allen.
"Prime!" ejaculated Mr.Bob Sawyer.
"You skate, of course, Winkle?" said Wardle.
"Ye-yes; oh, yes," replied Mr.Winkle."I--I--am rather out of practice.""Oh, do skate, Mr.Winkle," said Arabella."I like to see it so much.""Oh, it is so graceful," said another young lady.
A third young lady said it was elegant, and a fourth expressed her opinion that it was "swan-like.""I should be very happy, I'm sure," said Mr.Winkle, reddening; "but I have no skates."This objection was at once overruled.Trundle had a couple of pair, and the fat boy announced that there were half-a-dozen more down-stairs:
whereat Mr.Winkle expressed exquisite delight, and looked exquisitely uncomfortable.
Old Wardle led the way to a pretty large sheet of ice; and the fat boy and Mr.Weller, having shovelled and swept away the snow which had fallen on it during the night, Mr.Bob Sawyer adjusted his skates with a dexterity which to Mr.Winkle was perfectly marvellous, and described circles with his left leg, and cut figures of eight, and inscribed upon the ice, without once stopping for breath, a great many other pleasant and astonishing devices, to the excessive satisfaction of Mr.Pickwick, Mr.Tupman, and the ladies:
which reached a pitch of positive enthusiasm, when old Wardle and Benjamin Allen, assisted by the aforesaid Bob Sawyer, performed some mystic evolutions, which they called a reel.
All this time, Mr.Winkle, with his face and hands blue with the cold, had been forcing a gimlet into the soles of his feet, and putting his skates on, with the points behind, and getting the straps into a very complicated and entangled state, with the assistance of Mr.Snodgrass, who knew rather less about skates than a Hindoo.At length, however, with the assistance of Mr.Weller, the unfortunate skates were firmly screwed and buckled on, and Mr.Winkle was raised to his feet.
"Now, then, sir," said Sam, in an encouraging tone; "off vith you, and show 'em how to do it.""Stop, Sam, stop!" said Mr.Winkle, trembling violently, and clutching hold of Sam's arms with the grasp of a drowning man."How slippery it is, Sam!""Not an uncommon thing upon ice, sir," replied Mr.Weller."Hold up, sir!"This last observation of Mr.Weller's bore reference to a demonstration Mr.Winkle made at the instant, of a frantic desire to throw his feet in the air, and dash the back of his head on the ice.
"These--these--are very awkward skates; ain't they, Sam?" inquired Mr.
Winkle, staggering.
"I'm afeerd there's a orkard gen'l'm'n in 'em, sir," replied Sam.
"Now, Winkle," cried Mr.Pickwick, quite unconscious that there was anything the matter."Come; the ladies are all anxiety.""Yes, yes," replied Mr.Winkle, with a ghastly smile."I'm coming.""Just a goin' to begin," said Sam, endeavouring to disengage himself.
"Now, sir, start off!"
"Stop an instant, Sam," gasped Mr.Winkle, clinging most affectionately to Mr.Weller."I find I've got a couple of coats at home that I don't want, Sam.You may have them, Sam.""Thank'ee, sir," replied Mr.Weller.