LADY TEAZLE.Aye--and when my cousin Sophy has called you a stiff peevish old batchelor and laugh'd at me for thinking of marrying one who might be my Father--I have always defended you--and said I didn't think you so ugly by any means, and that you'd make a very good sort of a husband--SIR PETER.And you prophesied right--and we shall certainly now be the happiest couple----LADY TEAZLE.And never differ again.
SIR PETER.No never--tho' at the same time indeed--my dear Lady Teazle--you must watch your Temper very narrowly--for in all our little Quarrels--my dear--if you recollect my Love you always began first--LADY TEAZLE.I beg your Pardon--my dear Sir Peter--indeed--you always gave the provocation.
SIR PETER.Now--see, my Love take care--contradicting isn't the way to keep Friends.
LADY TEAZLE.Then don't you begin it my Love!
SIR PETER.There now--you are going on--you don't perceive[,]
my Life, that you are just doing the very thing my Love which you know always makes me angry.
LADY TEAZLE.Nay--you know if you will be angry without any reason--my Dear----
SIR PETER.There now you want to quarrel again.
LADY TEAZLE.No--I am sure I don't--but if you will be so peevish----SIR PETER.There--now who begins first?
LADY TEAZLE.Why you to be sure--I said nothing[--]but there's no bearing your Temper.
SIR PETER.No--no--my dear--the fault's in your own temper.
LADY TEAZLE.Aye you are just what my Cousin Sophy said you would be--SIR PETER.Your Cousin Sophy--is a forward impertinent Gipsey--LADY TEAZLE.Go you great Bear--how dare you abuse my Relations--SIR PETER.Now may all the Plagues of marriage be doubled on me, if ever I try to be Friends with you any more----LADY TEAZLE.So much the Better.
SIR PETER.No--no Madam 'tis evident you never cared a pin for me--I was a madman to marry you--
LADY TEAZLE.And I am sure I was a Fooll to marry you--an old dangling Batchelor, who was single of [at] fifty--only because He never could meet with any one who would have him.
SIR PETER.Aye--aye--Madam--but you were pleased enough to listen to me--you never had such an offer before--LADY TEAZLE.No--didn't I refuse Sir Jeremy Terrier--who everybody said would have been a better Match--for his estate is just as good as yours--and he has broke his Neck since we have been married!
SIR PETER.I have done with you Madam! You are an unfeeling--ungrateful--but there's an end of everything--I believe you capable of anything that's bad--Yes, Madam--I now believe the Reports relative to you and Charles--Madam--yes--Madam--you and Charles are--not without grounds----
LADY TEAZLE.Take--care Sir Peter--you had better not insinuate any such thing! I'll not be suspected without cause I promise you----SIR PETER.Very--well--Madam--very well! a separate maintenance--as soon as you Please.Yes Madam or a Divorce--I'll make an example of myself for the Benefit of all old Batchelors--Let us separate, Madam.
LADY TEAZLE.Agreed--agreed--and now--my dear Sir Peter we are of a mind again, we may be the happiest couple--and never differ again, you know--ha! ha!--Well you are going to be in a Passion I see--and I shall only interrupt you--so, bye! bye! hey--young Jockey try'd and countered.
[Exit.]
SIR PETER.Plagues and tortures! She pretends to keep her temper, can't I make her angry neither! O! I am the miserable fellow!
But I'll not bear her presuming to keep her Temper--No she may break my Heart--but she shan't keep her Temper.
[Exit.]
SCENE II.--At CHARLES's House Enter TRIP, MOSES, and SIR OLIVERTRIP.Here Master Moses--if you'll stay a moment--I'll try whether Mr.----what's the Gentleman's Name?
SIR OLIVER.Mr.----Moses--what IS my name----MOSES.Mr.Premium----
TRIP.Premium--very well.
[Exit TRIP--taking snuff.]
SIR OLIVER.To judge by the Servants--one wouldn't believe the master was ruin'd--but what--sure this was my Brother's House----MOSES.Yes Sir Mr.Charles bought it of Mr.Joseph with the Furniture, Pictures, &c.--just as the old Gentleman left it--Sir Peter thought it a great peice of extravagance in him.
SIR OLIVER.In my mind the other's economy in selling it to him was more reprehensible by half.----Enter TRIP
TRIP.My Master[,] Gentlemen[,] says you must wait, he has company, and can't speak with you yet.
SIR OLIVER.If he knew who it was wanted to see him, perhaps he wouldn't have sent such a Message.
TRIP.Yes--yes--Sir--He knows you are here--I didn't forget little Premium--no--no----SIR OLIVER.Very well--and pray Sir what may be your Name?
TRIP.Trip Sir--my Name is Trip, at your Service.
SIR OLIVER.Well then Mr.Trip--I presume your master is seldom without company----TRIP.Very seldom Sir--the world says ill-natured things of him but 'tis all malice--no man was ever better beloved--Sir he seldom sits down to dinner without a dozen particular Friends----SIR OLIVER.He's very happy indeed--you have a pleasant sort of Place here I guess?
TRIP.Why yes--here are three or four of us pass our time agreeably enough--but then our wages are sometimes a little in arrear--and not very great either--but fifty Pounds a year and find our own Bags and Bouquets----SIR OLIVER.Bags and Bouquets!--Halters and Bastinadoes! [Aside.]
TRIP.But a propos Moses--have you been able to get me that little Bill discounted?
SIR OLIVER.Wants to raise money too!--mercy on me! has his distresses, I warrant[,] like a Lord--and affects Creditors and Duns!
[Aside.]
MOSES.'Twas not be done, indeed----
TRIP.Good lack--you surprise me--My Friend Brush has indorsed it and I thought when he put his name at the Back of a Bill 'twas as good as cash.
MOSES.No 'twouldn't do.
TRIP.A small sum--but twenty Pound--harkee, Moses do you think you could get it me by way of annuity?
SIR OLIVER.An annuity! ha! ha! a Footman raise money by annuity--Well done Luxury egad! [Aside.]
MOSES.Who would you get to join with you?
TRIP.You know my Lord Applice--you have seen him however----MOSES.Yes----