M. (who was a little fat woman), in ditto ditto, looked like her eldest daughter multiplied by two. Mr. Frederick Malderton, the eldest son, in full-dress costume, was the very BEAU IDEAL of a smart waiter; and Mr. Thomas Malderton, the youngest, with his white dress-stock, blue coat, bright buttons, and red watch-ribbon, strongly resembled the portrait of that interesting, but rash young gentleman, George Barnwell. Every member of the party had made up his or her mind to cultivate the acquaintance of Mr. Horatio Sparkins. Miss Teresa, of course, was to be as amiable and interesting as ladies of eight-and-twenty on the look-out for a husband, usually are. Mrs. Malderton would be all smiles and graces. Miss Marianne would request the favour of some verses for her album. Mr. Malderton would patronise the great unknown by asking him to dinner. Tom intended to ascertain the extent of his information on the interesting topics of snuff and cigars. Even Mr. Frederick Malderton himself, the family authority on all points of taste, dress, and fashionable arrangement; who had lodgings of his own in town; who had a free admission to Covent-garden theatre;who always dressed according to the fashions of the months; who went up the water twice a-week in the season; and who actually had an intimate friend who once knew a gentleman who formerly lived in the Albany, - even he had determined that Mr. Horatio Sparkins must be a devilish good fellow, and that he would do him the honour of challenging him to a game at billiards.
The first object that met the anxious eyes of the expectant family on their entrance into the ball-room, was the interesting Horatio, with his hair brushed off his forehead, and his eyes fixed on the ceiling, reclining in a contemplative attitude on one of the seats.
'There he is, my dear,' whispered Mrs. Malderton to Mr. Malderton.
'How like Lord Byron!' murmured Miss Teresa.
'Or Montgomery!' whispered Miss Marianne.
'Or the portraits of Captain Cook!' suggested Tom.
'Tom - don't be an ass!' said his father, who checked him on all occasions, probably with a view to prevent his becoming 'sharp' -which was very unnecessary.
The elegant Sparkins attitudinised with admirable effect, until the family had crossed the room. He then started up, with the most natural appearance of surprise and delight; accosted Mrs. Malderton with the utmost cordiality; saluted the young ladies in the most enchanting manner; bowed to, and shook hands with Mr. Malderton, with a degree of respect amounting almost to veneration; and returned the greetings of the two young men in a half-gratified, half-patronising manner, which fully convinced them that he must be an important, and, at the same time, condescending personage.
'Miss Malderton,' said Horatio, after the ordinary salutations, and bowing very low, 'may I be permitted to presume to hope that you will allow me to have the pleasure - '
'I don't THINK I am engaged,' said Miss Teresa, with a dreadful affectation of indifference - 'but, really - so many - '
Horatio looked handsomely miserable.
'I shall be most happy,' simpered the interesting Teresa, at last.
Horatio's countenance brightened up, like an old hat in a shower of rain.
'A very genteel young man, certainly!' said the gratified Mr.
Malderton, as the obsequious Sparkins and his partner joined the quadrille which was just forming.
'He has a remarkably good address,' said Mr. Frederick.
'Yes, he is a prime fellow,' interposed Tom, who always managed to put his foot in it - 'he talks just like an auctioneer.'
'Tom!' said his father solemnly, 'I think I desired you, before, not to be a fool.' Tom looked as happy as a cock on a drizzly morning.
'How delightful!' said the interesting Horatio to his partner, as they promenaded the room at the conclusion of the set - 'how delightful, how refreshing it is, to retire from the cloudy storms, the vicissitudes, and the troubles, of life, even if it be but for a few short fleeting moments: and to spend those moments, fading and evanescent though they be, in the delightful, the blessed society of one individual - whose frowns would be death, whose coldness would be madness, whose falsehood would be ruin, whose constancy would be bliss; the possession of whose affection would be the brightest and best reward that Heaven could bestow on man?'
'What feeling! what sentiment!' thought Miss Teresa, as she leaned more heavily on her companion's arm.
'But enough - enough!' resumed the elegant Sparkins, with a theatrical air. 'What have I said? what have I - I - to do with sentiments like these! Miss Malderton' - here he stopped short -'may I hope to be permitted to offer the humble tribute of - '
'Really, Mr. Sparkins,' returned the enraptured Teresa, blushing in the sweetest confusion, 'I must refer you to papa. I never can, without his consent, venture to - '
'Surely he cannot object - '
'Oh, yes. Indeed, indeed, you know him not!' interrupted Miss Teresa, well knowing there was nothing to fear, but wishing to make the interview resemble a scene in some romantic novel.
'He cannot object to my offering you a glass of negus,' returned the adorable Sparkins, with some surprise.
'Is that all?' thought the disappointed Teresa. 'What a fuss about nothing!'
'It will give me the greatest pleasure, sir, to see you to dinner at Oak Lodge, Camberwell, on Sunday next at five o'clock, if you have no better engagement,' said Mr. Malderton, at the conclusion of the evening, as he and his sons were standing in conversation with Mr. Horatio Sparkins.
Horatio bowed his acknowledgments, and accepted the flattering invitation.
'I must confess,' continued the father, offering his snuff-box to his new acquaintance, 'that I don't enjoy these assemblies half so much as the comfort - I had almost said the luxury - of Oak Lodge.
They have no great charms for an elderly man.'
'And after all, sir, what is man?' said the metaphysical Sparkins.
'I say, what is man?'
'Ah! very true,' said Mr. Malderton; 'very true.'